Conflict is something none of us can avoid in this life. Even if we spend all our energy trying to run away from it, we will end up facing it - internally and externally.
So, rather than running from it, putting expectations on relationships to not have any, and not being able to move in a healthy way through it; why not learn the root of why you respond to conflict the way you do and gain tools on how to be present with it.
It all starts with being able to reflect on your past history with conflict. Our personal history with it has taught you to either jump right into the middle of conflict, or to strenuously attempt to reduce and/or avoid it.
Coming to terms with your own life’s learning, what to keep, what to challenge, what to change and discard because it no longer serves you purpose and fits into your world is vital to moving forward in a healthy way.
What do we keep, what do we challenge, change and discard because it no longer serves us purpose and fits into our world?
There are a few questions to start off asking yourself.
What was your role in your family of origin? Do you want to change it? For example, are you someone who automatically challenges authority and needs to learn to get along with others? Or are you someone who needs to learn to use their voice and stand up for your authentic self because you are either used to being silenced by others or using silence to speak or were?
There are three different types of families, being able to identify which you came from will help guide you moving forward.
Which one most resonates with you?
Our personal history in our families of origin have a big impact on what we choose to do when we experience conflict in our relationships.
What happens when you have a relationship that involves a person with an Avoidant Family background and an Aggressive Family background? You have one partner trying to get away from it, while the other is getting up in their face. When we are able to know what your partner’s history with conflict is, it allows for grace and a position of empathy.
I challenge you to reflect on your personal history.
If you are in a partnership, this would be a very healthy and interesting conversation to have as a couple. It is also a way to builder deeper connections with friends and family when conversations like this bring the opportunity to dive a little deeper than maybe is 'normal'.
Always remember that you are valued, you are important, and to hold grace and space for yourself as you move forward in your self discovery and evolution.
Awareness doesn’t stop you from making mistakes, it allows you to learn from them.